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The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free From Crazy-Making Relationships & Getting on with Your Life

Interview with Amber

Listen to Amber Ault talk about The Wise Lesbian Guide in this podcast interview at Conscious Girlfriend.

Is your relationship "always about her?"

Does it seem condemned to an endless break-up/ make up cycle?

​Do your friends think your girlfriend is bad news?

If you are stuck in a confusing, exhausting, crazy-making relationship and looking for a way to make sense of your girlfriend's self-centered, erratic, or volatile behavior, you need The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting On With Your Life. In one small volume, Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW spells out how three "personality disorders" (Narcissistic, Anti-social, Borderline) account for much of the toxic "come here/go away" "I love you/I hate you" and "it's all about me" drama that keeps good women in relationships that are great every once in awhile but wretchedly crazy-making most of the time. While other books explore the rise of narcissism, surviving the abuse of psychopaths, and responding to people who have borderline personality disorder in general, this book takes a lesbian-specific look at the devastation these personality disorders can cause in relationships and the special challenges facing women in same-sex partnerships with personality-disordered women. 

In The Wise Lesbian Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting on With Your Life, Dr. Ault, a clinical sociologist and psychotherapist, draws from clinical literature and experience, expertise in LGBT culture, and a series of interviews with lesbian and queer women who have survived relationships with toxic partners to help you determine if the trouble you are experiencing in your relationship is rooted in a partner's personality disorder. She reviews common toxic relationship dynamics, the costs of staying with personality disordered partners, common personality disorder patterns, and why you might have been vulnerable to getting involved with a personality disordered woman. Perhaps most importantly, she provides specific skills you need to use if you are preparing to exit a toxic relationship, and detailed strategies for recovery, once you are free. 

Every person deserves to be in a happy, joyful, supportive relationship. As we move into an era in which same-sex partners have access to legal marriage, it is perhaps more crucial than ever that we clarify our expectations for same-sex relationships and become skilled at choosing partners with the capacity to fully participate in mutually respectful, reciprocally supportive, life-enhancing relationships. You deserve to be in a relationship that promotes your happiness, health, and peacefulness. If your current relationship undermines your ease, well-being, and productivity, this book can help you get clearer about what is not working and how to take action so that you can open yourself to the possibility of having the relationship happiness you deserve.

What readers are saying

​I highly recommend this book. Ault educates us about the behavioral red flags exhibited by lesbians (or anybody) with each of these disorders, giving lots of examples ... She provides good advice on how to safely get out of these types of relationships and how to recover from them. The book is written using plain terms, is down to earth, and is very readable. It should be on every lesbian's bookshelf, especially if she is looking for a partner or spouse.

~ Nancy Maihoff, Lesbian Connection

I loved this whole book, and the empowering ending was no exception. Ault provides realistic ways to heal, move on, and transform a dark experience into something good. I know I will look back frequently on these pages to remind myself what a healthy relationship should look like. It is very clear from every word that this author has found self-respect and love from her experience. I thank her for sharing it with the rest of us in such a beautiful and informing way.

"I have recommended this book to various friends of all sexual orientations. I think most people will find that they've encountered someone like this during their life, and there are very few authors who will help you through the process like Dr. Ault. We can all learn and heal from The Wise Lesbian Guide!

~ Jackson MacKenzie, author of Psychopath Free